38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
