did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
