He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You ruined the universe
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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