You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
