Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
