The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
