dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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