so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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