Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
