If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
