Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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