There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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