i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
