Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
bring money and cleavage
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
