she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
