Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my phone needs a breathalizer
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
