I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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