Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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