What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
