I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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