Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
