Yo dont text me then not text me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
In America we eat man semen.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
