Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
