Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
