Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
