WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What a dumb baby whore.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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