I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
