ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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