Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
