You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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