Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
