So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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