Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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