a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am midnight drunk by noon
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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