He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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