Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
