Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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