and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
