It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You've changed since you got that strap on
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