he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
