Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
