We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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