i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
