I want to walk on stilts...naked
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
