I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
