Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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