guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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