my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
