please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
