we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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