I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
