he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
