I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
