This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
