Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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