Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
