I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
