How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize