Welp...herpes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
