Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
