i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
