It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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