I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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