Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
