Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
