Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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