i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
