she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My vagina just recognized that song.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
