a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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